Cleaning Our Environment/Cleaning Our Mind

This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. I already want to go off script. I just want to take a peek around, please. We have these little short verses in our practice called gattas. And a gattah occurred to me when we were on that final bow. And that is, when I bow to the sangha, that's you. When I bow to the sangha, I vow with all beings to freshen our intimate connection and enliven the practice we share. I've been saying that one for quite a while now. And it comes to me really naturally. It's so beautiful. And then another one came quickly behind it, which was, when I brush my teeth each day, I vow with all beings to polish those incisors, so that I may bite through all the afflictions. So I'd like to just start with just a little breathing for myself only. So some zazen instruction. Was anyone here for zazen instruction today? So I've been really focusing lately on the upright posture and just how important it is. And what brightness it brings, upright posture. So we have a stable base in our lotus position or in seated position. And if we're in a chair, we don't lean against the chair. We sit upright away from the chair. And I learned that we do that because then there's no depression on the body so the body can fill fully with air when we inhale. So the primary emphasis is on that upright posture. And we're not holding the body up. The upright posture is upright and the flesh kind of just hangs off of it. It's not really contracted muscles holding the body. It's a relaxed posture. And when we breathe, we breathe down in the belly so we inflate what feels like the lower belly here. It's the lower lung, but it feels like the belly and that inflates like a balloon. We find the breath creeping up in the chest, but with your mind bring it back down into the belly and focus first on the exhale. And then you find that the inhale just is there. It just comes. We don't have to do anything. My old teacher used to say, we're not breathing. The universe is breathing us. Give over to that and just follow the breath, every breath. And you may say, oh, I can't follow every single breath. But that's what we do in this room. We try to focus on every single breath. And thoughts bubble up. We have these two types of thoughts, intentional thinking and just bubbles, intentional thinking, what am I going to eat today? What did she say to me yesterday? What am I planning to do tomorrow? And then just bubbles, memories that come from out of nowhere that you didn't even remember that you had. So we can kind of control those thoughts that arise. We can say right now my intention is to do zazen. I'll think about that later. Right now I'm only sitting. But when those bubbles come, it's important not to apply more thinking to them. We say, let them come and go like a cloud through the empty sky. Like 70,000 thoughts each day. 90% the same thing you thought yesterday. That's why it's nice to read a book once in a while. So thank you for indulging me in the zazen. Our abbot says it doesn't matter who you are or who I am, where you are or what time it is when we do zazen, when we connect with zazen. So thank you so much for being here today. Welcome to Green Dragon Temple. Welcome to everybody beyond the realm of Green Dragon Temple. My name is Kika. This is the first Dharma talk I've given on a Sunday. So it's quite a privilege and I'm so glad that there are so many people here, so many students I recognize. And thank you for your wonderful support. I'm so glad you're here. Just saw Grace's shoes. She has little red converses on. I want to thank Arthanto Eli Brown Stevenson. He's so supportive in everything he does and he just carries on with supporting our practice here on a daily basis and is really encouraging for my practice. Thank you Eli. And thank you Honorable Abbott Jiru Song, Compassionate Dragon. Jiru, Compassionate Dragon. Sometimes we shy away from saying what our Dharma names mean, this Dharma name that we're given when we take certain vows. But it doesn't prevent us from saying what other peoples are, especially when they're so meaningful to us and support us. Thank you, Compassionate Dragon. You know when we say Dragon that means kind of big, heavy, heavy, big wisdom, big Compassionate Wisdom. I also have just kind of a flame of gratitude for my two main teachers. So, Jinalw Weitzman, the I.O. Show. May he be as content and peaceful and easeful wherever he is now as he was in his earthly life. And for my current teacher, attention, Reb Anderson Roshi, may his good health continue and his just great teachings go on forever. I've learned so much from these two. I don't know what I did in this life or in a previous life to be bookended by those two teachers, but I accept it. If you had told me while I was spinning around on the playground that this would be my life that involved in Zen teaching, a disciple of Buddha. Well, actually I was so awkward I would have said, finally, something makes sense. That really makes sense. Finally, someplace where I can feel at home. So, Sojin Mel passed away in 2021. And I'd spent nine years as his student. And that was a good long time to be with a teacher. But I still feel like maybe we were in the fifth inning when he died. So I became a student of tension Roshi's after Mel passed. And he's been kind of batting clean up ever since he's helping me clear the bases. Such a power hitter. So I kind of like to think of it. You know, it's hard to hold like two teachers that are so meaningful for you. But I like to think of Mel just showed me what to do. Sit, basically. And then and tension Roshi just shows me what I'm doing. Because it's easy to do what Mel told me to do. He would just encourage, just jump right in, even if you don't know what you're doing, especially if you don't know what you're doing, just jump right in. I went for it. Because that was kind of my own informal training in my conditioning. I was pushed into a lot of activity. So I was used to it. I don't advise it, but I was used to it. You know, when you jump right in, you can't see for a while, you can't breathe, your top comes out, your pants come down, you know, you flail. So I flailed. But I found my stability. So today I want to talk about a little bit of the past. I really like talking about my teachers. Tension Roshi said just talk about what you like to talk about. So I want to tell you a little bit about my path to practice. Coming in through the gate at Berkeley's Uncenter. And talk about my teachers a little bit. And then talk about my role here at Green Gulch, which is the guest student manager and work leader. It's kind of a fancy way of saying the head dishwasher. And many of you knew me as the Eno, right? I was the Eno for a few years. And somebody said, is that a demotion? Well, we don't really have demotion, but maybe it's a promotion, I think, to be engaged in that ordinary activity and find our way to awakening through ordinary activity. So I'm going to talk about some things about that. You know, first I kind of want to address that, you know, with our current state of democracy and with my mom's recent death. My practice has become kind of that even in our last breath, we shouldn't allow our grief over the states of things or our own self-centered concerns. I kind of dim our brightness for our aspiration. So I'm kind of in this posture and brightness focus, trying to maintain my posture and brightness through all activities. It's not easy, but we practice and we fail and we reach our aspiration again and we fail and we keep practicing. And there's a cultivation of faith that develops in that cycle. You know, sometimes we don't want to come down to the Zendo because we're tired. So we express it in our posture. The posture really reveals the state of the mind. And not only does it kind of reveal it and inform it, it can change it too. So if I don't feel so good, I just bring my posture to the fore. And it changes the mind. It brightens the mind. The mind can be so heavy that it kind of impacts the posture. So, you know, I see a lot of students and they come here for the two weeks' day and then they'll leave and say, well, how can I take this incredible practice with me without having so much support? Right? It's very supportive environment here. And the primary thing is your body and your posture. We kind of want something else. We always want something more. But the way the way is really found in the in the ordinary, in the posture, in our breathing. A few weeks ago I asked Norman Fisher about, you know, whoa, giving talks, can you help me? I said I'd rather just be like the monk sweeping in the corner. He said there's no difference. There's no difference between the monk sweeping in the corner and the person who's giving the talk. You just do what's next for you. You just do respond to conditions as they arise and meet them with uprightness and presence. That was encouraging. I did want to say this part. I kind of lost the thread on my notes, but you know, sometimes there's also the question of just sitting here doing nothing. What are we going to do about the state of the world? You know, that phrase, think globally, act locally. Right? But just shine locally and shine globally. That's kind of the Buddha way. Understanding that if we take care of our ordinary activity, that does touch everything. Everything. The way Reb puts it is that if you take some trash out of the ocean, you're actually helping the whole ocean. So I want to get into talking about these two teachers, Sojin, Mel and Tension, Reb. They were the first of students of Suzuki Roshi when Suzuki Roshi came to the states in the 60s, in 59. I forget when it was. I have it in here. Does everybody know about Suzuki Roshi? Can you see hands of who knows specifically about Suzuki Roshi? A few weeks ago, Abhijirio gave a talk and he started it by saying something about Suzuki Roshi and then he remembered that somebody said to him or suggested to him, can't you find another muse? We're always talking about Suzuki Roshi. Oh, your son said that. What a rascal. Yeah, that's funny. Mel always said, don't stray too far from Suzuki Roshi's teaching. So I don't think Jiriyu has found another muse as a matter of fact. Maybe for a moment he thought he should or could, but then he just went on talking about Suzuki Roshi. I never become weary about hearing Suzuki Roshi stories. I could hear them over and over again. I mean, that's how I learned everything that I picked up initially. So I think that's kind of a mistake to think that we should go beyond, somewhere beyond Suzuki Roshi. Yeah, okay. He arrived here in 1959. He was 55 years old at that time and he lived here until he died in 1971. He did have designs about bringing Zen to America, but his initial assignment was to lead the Japanese American people who were going to Sokoji in San Francisco. So he became their pastor. And Sokoji is still operating today. Shogaku Shunryu, that's Suzuki Roshi's name. Shogaku Shunryu, another dragon. Shogaku, a suspicious mountain. Shunryu, spring dragon. He was born in May, spring dragon. And through the stories I've heard, it sounds like through word of mouth, local people started to talk about this Zen master who was arrived in San Francisco. And a lot of people would go and check him out. And Sojin was one of those, Sojin Mel. Well, there's another dragon, Hakuryu Sojin. I'm surrounded by these wisdom dragons. It's so amazing to me when I think about them. White dragon, genuine principle, is Sojin's name. And so the first time he went to Sokoji, he went there with a friend and they sat a period of zazen and Mel sat through a lot of pain in his legs. And after they got up from sitting, the bell rang and they sat again. And he said, we're going to do this again. And that was the start of his practice. And it was like a dog with a bone ever since with him. I really appreciate that story. And there was not a single time that in the nine years that I listened to Mel that he didn't mention Suzuki Roshi when he was on the tongue on the speaking platform. I think the same is true for Tenshin Roshi as well. It just seemed like every single touch of Suzuki Roshi had significance. And to have that, those two teachers bring that teaching directly to me, I feel very fortunate to have that Suzuki Roshi as my grandfather, grand teacher. And there's even a story by Liz Mel's wife. She was sitting in the Zendo at Tatsuhara and Suzuki Roshi passed by and tugged on her mini skirt. She had a mini skirt on in the Zendo. As if to say this is not appropriate clothing for the Zendo in which she speaks about it. You can see how she was touched by this person, this unusual person. I do want to read from this is Mel's autobiography. And just give you a little taste of this period of his life. I can't see that. These little splashes of color are all my mother. This ring and these glasses, these purple glasses. I got them from my mom after she passed. So this is from seeing one thing through the Zen life and teachings of Sojin Mel Weitzman. This is called Suzuki Roshi at Sikouji Zendo. I'll just read pieces of this. There was this bare room with the Tami's around the edges, along the walls and on the altar on the side. We went in and sat down and faced the wall. Somebody came up behind me and adjusted my posture and showed me how to hold my hands. Not saying a word, just all feeling and touch. It was Suzuki Roshi of course. I was sitting there and it was just wonderful. I thought here I am just sitting here all by myself with nothing else to do. This seat and this place. I felt like I had come home. Phew. Right there. That was my first time at Sikouji. Although Suzuki Roshi had been asked to lead the Japanese American congregation whose temple it was, he had been discovered by Westerners who began to sit with him. We were the congregation's guests. In those days he sat with the students in the pews in a room at the top of the stairs. There were still pews in the building. In time the pews were moved out and replaced with the Tami mats and zafus. The Japanese American congregation did not sit Zazen at Sikouji. Their practice was more like Sunday Protestant service. So Suzuki Roshi took care of their needs as a pastor or a priest while at the same time practicing with his own students in an entirely different way as a Zen master. When someone would call him inquiring about Zen practice, he would tell them that he sat in the morning at five and that they were welcome to join him. As I got to know Suzuki Roshi, I came to like him quite a lot after I had sat at Sikouji for a little while. I had a certain kind of feeling that I can't describe. But I thought, oh, this is Samadhi. He says it's an aspect of Buddhist concentration. It was just my idea he says. Suzuki Roshi talked about Samadhi a lot. But that's what I thought. That's what I thought it was. And I just thought I'm going to come back and keep doing this. This was in 1964. I started coming to Zazen every day. I would come to the Zendo in the morning and I'd come to the Zendo in the evening. I was very regular and I realized that this was the most important part of my life. I was 35. I said to myself, I know that this is exactly what I've been looking for. And I don't know. Don't do this now. And if I don't do this now, it'll just pass me by and I'll be lost again. I devoted myself to sitting. Suzuki Roshi seemed to like me. And his way of teaching was very subtle. Every day he would adjust posture. He would never let anyone sit slumped in the Zendo. He would adjust your posture over and over and over again. Such a wonderful book to read and to collect those writings with my experience with Mel. The first time I went to Berkley's and Center, I did feel something on my back. And then a voice said, lengthen the line from here to here with a little tap, kind of a heavy tap. And so I did and that felt like, that's such intimate attention. And then later I asked there was a person sitting next to me and I said, was that you who came over and gave me that? And he, no, that was Mel. I always said, do you mean that gentleman over there? And even then it felt funny to call him a gentleman. It is like a Zen master, you know, but I still had this kind of like worldly way. Do you mean that gentleman over here? Sneaky, sneaky fellow over there. So by the time that I wandered into Berkley's and Center, it was 2009. And I had just moved to Berkley and I was living about 10 minutes from what is now Berkley's and Center. And I picked a book off the shelf of the boyfriend that I was living with and it was this book. And I didn't open the book for a while. I just looked at the face. Because at that time I was not very happy or aligned. And when I saw this face, I realized, well, this person is very happy. Even just these black and white pixels conveyed something that I knew I wanted or didn't have. It just had such meaning for me. So I propped it up on my nightstand for a few days before I even cracked it. And I just thought seriously about changing, just a change in my life. So finally I opened it and I said, I'm just going to do whatever this guy did. And I did. And I opened the book to a chapter called Single-Minded Way. And I'll read it a little bit of it. Yeah, it has such meaning for me. If you want to express yourself. And like I said, I was kind of buried under information, content, depression. I'm not feeling like I was, I felt like I was past my expiration date at my job. And I didn't really see a way, any other way of living in San Francisco. If you want to express yourself fully, your true nature, there should be some natural and appropriate way of expression. I knew it. I knew it. Even swaying right and left as you sit down or get up from Zazen is an expression of yourself. It's not preparation for practice or relaxation after practice. It's part of the practice. So we should not do it as if it's preparing for something else. This should be true in your everyday life. To cook or to fix food is not preparation. According to Dogen, our founder in Japan, it is practice. To cook is to not just prepare food for someone or for yourself. It's to express your sincerity. Sometimes teachers say, you know, we know what Zenz is already. We just read books to verify what we already know. Because it's just ordinary practice, human way. Buddha nature is human nature. And I really felt that here. It's like finally somebody speaking my language. So from the playground to here is like, yes. So when you cook, you should express yourself in your activity in the kitchen. You should allow yourself plenty of time. You should work on it with nothing in your mind and without expecting anything. You should just cook. That is also an expression of sincerity, a part of our practice. It is necessary to sit in zazen in this way. But sitting is not our only way. Whatever you do, it should be an expression of this same deep activity. We should appreciate what we are doing. There's no preparation for something else. So at this time in my life, as soon as I woke up, I was late for what I had to do for my work. And as soon as I'm done with this, I have to do that. And as soon as I'm done with that, I've got to go over here and do this. So I was never with my activity. The corner of the sheet was always coming off the bed. So he used this cooking as an activity. So I went out and got a cutting board and a knife. I thought, I'm going to start with this one activity. And so that became a practice for me. And then I googled Suzuki Roshi and I found that one of his disciples had a zen center, 10 minutes from where I was living. So I walked down there. When I found that out, I walked down to Berkeley Zen Center immediately. And I walked through the gate of wha