Being Where You Are: Dogen and Huaishen

This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good evening, everyone. Welcome. Very happy that you're here. Good evening and welcome to those online. I appreciate being able to give this talk tonight. I want to thank the Tonto Tim, my practice leader, Abba David, my root teacher, Victoria Austin, and my teacher, Rynso Ed Saddison. The theme for tonight is being where you are, right here, right now. Not back there or over there or tomorrow or next week. It's about being where you are right now, right here. When I received Jucair, what's now known as Bodhisattva initiation, I was given the name Hensan. Thank you, Victoria. Universally seeking. I thought that was just perfect because at that time for 40 years, I'd been universally seeking. It's now been 60 years and I've finally gotten to the seat being where I am right here. I thought it was, as I said, just because I had involved myself in so many different ways and in so many different places. I studied yoga and I studied astrology and I studied macrobiotics and tarot and I did that here in San Francisco. I did it in New Mexico. I did it in Boston. I did it in Texas. I did it in Santa Cruz. I did it in Southeast Asia. So I was indeed universally seeking. So now 60 years later, I finally found this seat. I elected to keep this name Hensan when I was lay entrusted and became in charge with the honor of teaching and modeling the practice of the Dharma. I came to learn that my name was a facile written by Dogen, the founder of Soda Zen in 1243. Years later, my root teacher asked me what I was studying with my new teacher, Ed. And I said, well, we're studying Dogen. And she said, well, I should study my name and inform me that Hensan was a fascicle that Dogen wrote and was part of the Shobangenzo, the true Dharma I. And I said, why didn't you tell me? And that's what she said. I told you it was how many years later, something like 15 years later. So I don't always listen well sometimes, but sometimes slowly. And as I said, it's taken 60 years to get here. But that time span is narrowing down some. The name is translated as transient travels or all-inclusive study. The text explores the concept of spiritual pilgrimage, emphasizing that to travel is not merely moving between locations. It's not running around to different cities and countries. It's not moving from monastery to monastery or moving from teacher to teacher. That's not at all necessary. It's a profound direct engagement with the present moment and the way-seeking mind. It is not about all my previous activities and travels. In traditional Chinese Chan, it often referred to traveling from monastery to monastery and from teacher to teacher. However, Dogen challenged that traditional notion of traveling to visit different masters or temples, suggesting that instead one must travel through body and mind, zazen the ultimate form of travel, the Dharma gate of peace and bliss, to experience the totality of reality. Dogen's message and his own is that true spiritual inquiry is total unreserved engagement with the present reality right here, right now. Rather than seeking answers outside of yourself or wandering from place to place, looking for truths, real, thorough study is realized right where you sit, right now, by completely dropping dualistic fixations and fully embodying the way. Even though Dogen traveled from Japan to China and back, even though I traveled and studied many places, he found his home in Japan. And I found my home 20 years ago here at San Francisco Zen Center. This has to do with both physical and non-physical travel or universally seeking. One must travel through body and mind, i.e. zazen, to experience the totality of reality. Travel is the immediate direct experience of the present, which is interconnected with all things. In other words, transient travels. It refers to the fundamental impermanence of life and the nature of one's spiritual journey. So on that spiritual journey and our daily journey, we often get lost and overengaged. Sometimes we need to take a step back, not travel forward. But taking a step back can be traveling forward. We are often driven by ourselves and others to push ahead, to achieve and acquire something. This is the norm of our society today. There was a poem written in the early 12th century by a Chinese monk, Waishun. He was a prominent Song dynasty, Chan, Buddhist master, a temple abbot, and a poet monk, part of the Yumen school, which emphasized the peace found in letting go of ego, ambition, and anger. The school was also known for its turning words. You've probably heard, every day is a good day. That came from the Yumen school. So every day is a good day, as long as we are present right here. It doesn't mean it's all happiness and joy. It doesn't mean it's all pain and sorrow. But it can be both or either. But we can still be present with it. His poetry explains deep spiritual truths and the practical nature of enlightenment. In other words, real world situations. Not about running off to whatever that we have to find something over here or over there or be taught here or be taught there. It has to do with the real world situations that each and every one of us encounter each and every day. So I'm plagued by a grasping, suffering, gaining mind, aging, for example. Just what, a little less than two weeks ago, I turned 84. And I'm becoming more and more aware of it. And it doesn't always suit me. And I don't always happy with it. But I can be with it. And I can cultivate it. And I can experience it and be present. I'm learning to take a step back and deal with and experience my afflictions and shortcomings as they are manifested by my body, speech, and mind. The poem that Wai Shun wrote is titled, Taking a Step Back. And that poem is an expression that the frantic pursuit of worldly goals actually impedes the forward move toward true understanding and realization. The first stanza of the poem goes, nothing is better than someone who takes a step back. Be sure to cultivate yourself thoroughly from head to toe. Because when you blew out the flame burning in your heart, you no doubt missed seeing the anger that was in your belly. We often think we've purged all our afflictions, or all our complications. But remember to thoroughly cultivate yourself from head to toe. This suggests that tabicking back is a form of wisdom. It encourages turning one's attention toward inward to examine one's true nature, inclusive studies. Taking a step back is the act of temporarily pausing or reducing involvement in a situation. Relationship or project to gain clarity, reduce stress, and reassess priorities. See, I was always stuck and I got to push ahead. I've got to get over here or over there or acquire this or be that. No, I can literally take a step back. It is a strategic healthy move to avoid burnout, manage emotions, and set boundaries. This pause, which is the third parameda of patience, which we'll learn more about when we get to the practice period. I hope so. More to come, more to come on that. It allows for reflection and often leads to better decision making. So how do you deal with this fire in your belly, this ancient twisted karma, or not even so ancient twisted karma, the current karma, the fire in your belly? Be sure to cultivate yourself from head to toe. Real peace cannot be achieved by superficial suppression. It requires complete, rigorous introspection to fully dissolve negative emotional patterns. It's not always about a new location, a new teacher, or a new practice. It's like walking the lab rats, something that I'm very fond of. And you may know that a labyrinth different than a maze has one route in to the center. You can't get lost there. But it's circum, it's not directly to the center. You walk in, and all of a sudden you're back out. And you walk in, and you're a little closer. And then you get close to the center, and then you're way back out again. This is like our life. This is how we live our lives, like the labyrinth, like walking the labyrinth. Walking into the labyrinth is like becoming the Buddha. Being in the center is like where the Dharma can be revealed. And walking out is the union and gathering of the sangha. So the way is not the destination, but the activity of the moment. We are close to the center, and then we are on the periphery once again, or we are in the middle. Coming and going, near and far, it's also like Mercury retrograde, which gives us the opportunity to look at and deal with unresolved issues from our past, our ancient and not so ancient twisted karma. After you blow out the flame in your heart, don't forget the suffering in your belly. To quote Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, suffering is no longer a menace to be evaded at any cost. When it does come, no matter how grievously, we realize that it too has its purpose. It is our great teacher because it reveals our afflictions, our defects, and so pushes us towards the path of progress. Bill wrote that in 1958. Take the backward step is a core Zen Buddhist instruction attributed to Dogen to turn awareness inward, moving from mental reactivity and external focus to resting in pure being. It involves stepping out of story lines, relaxing from emotional tension, and observing the present moment with detached curiosity, often referred to as turning the light inward. Dogen in the Fouken Gazi wrote, you should therefore cease from practice based on intellectual understanding, cursing words and following after speech, and learn the backward step that turns your light inward to illuminate yourself. Body and mind of themselves will drop away, and your Buddha nature, your original face, will be manifest. Doing this will extinguish the fires of your heart and belly, that anger, desire, and anxiety that can reside there. One can then see and experience your original face. Earlier in the Sandukai, a harmony of difference and equality goes, if you don't understand the way right before you, how will you know the path as you walk? Progress is not a matter of far or near, i.e. the labyrinth, but if you are confused, mountains and rivers block your way. I respectfully urge you who study the mystery, do not pass your days and nights in vain. Once again, Wei Shun from verse on taking a step back. A step back in the world opens up. So he said, nothing is better than stepping back to move ahead, knowing that worldly fame and fortune are both traps, since the days ahead of you are numbered. Don't get entangled in sparring with ghosts or demons. So he's saying, don't chase superficial success. Social status, recognition or wealth, the poem labels these pursuits as traps. They are addictive and unending. And they seem to continually arise different forms and shapes in my life. And when I think I've dispensed with one, another pops up over here. And I continually have the opportunity to look at these. Worldly fame and fortune, I've let go of much of that, but that's a trap. And the days ahead are numbered, obviously. So but I do love to spar with ghosts and demons. Don't know what that attraction is, but it's there. I tell myself I don't. But somehow that in itself is addictive. Since the days are numbered reminds us of our mortality, wasting your time on the trivial is tragic. Dogen said in the Sand-O-Kai, don't waste your time. Those of you who travel the path, where did that go? That's too too too. Those of you. Progress is not a matter of far and near. But if you are confused, mountains and rivers block your way, I respectfully urge you who studied the mystery, do not pass your days and nights in vain. Don't get stuck in the tragedy since the days ahead of you are numbered. Ghosts and demons represent imaginary threats, past regrets, resentments, things that don't serve your growth. And boy, there's a lot of those ghosts and demons out there. And as I said, there's a great attraction for me and an addiction to them. Somehow there's something I get out of it. Things that don't deserve your growth. Don't dwell on old wounds or engaging with people and ideas that only drain your peace. So Wei Shan, it's beautiful what he said. Nothing is better than stepping back to move ahead, knowing that worldly fame and fortune are both traps. Since the days ahead of you are numbered, don't get entangled in sparring with ghosts and demons. So being where you are, right here, right now, it's not an easy thing to necessarily do. But it's something for us to strive for and be involved in and practice. And it's OK when we deviate from that. But we can realize that and acknowledge that and come back to this present being here right now. Sometimes in Zazen, I'm way lost. And all of a sudden, I catch up with myself or catch myself. Oh, I don't need to be there or be doing that or thinking about that. And perhaps I take some breaths and then return to a more present place. So we have many techniques to stay in the present. Zazen being the primary one. So don't feed those ghosts and demons. Don't wrestle with them. But acknowledge them and let them be. Thank you very much. Do I do some questions and answers? Sure, we've got plenty of time. There be any? Anyone has a question, comment? Happy to bring the microphone over. Thank you. I have a question. What is Buddha? You, me, each and every one of us, Buddha is within us. Our original face, our Buddha nature. If we are Buddha, why there's still so many thoughts? So many, you say demons. I'm sorry, not quite hearing you. If we are Buddha, what? If we are Buddha, why we cannot be happy all the time? I don't think Buddha was happy all the time. When he sat in the forest with all his disciples around him, he always spotted Mara back there in the corner. And he invited Mara to tea. And I don't think Buddha was completely happy all the time. Certainly I don't think he was happy as he was dying and feeling very, very ill. But he was always present. So you think Buddha is someone who is always present? I think that's yes. Thank you. Thank you. For Jeffrey, if you could unmute please. Or we're having a little audio problem, Jeffrey. Could you put your question in the chat, please? The question is not in the chat. But yes, I believe Jeffrey offered some thanks. Thank you, Jeffrey. My name is Inna. I'm first time here. And it's very interesting. Thank you so much. And I have a question. You mentioned that we all have some sort of demons inside of us and we have struggles. Would you mind to share one of your struggle, what helped you and what was successful so we can learn from you? Thank you. Interesting question. Well, one of my current struggles is now, over five months ago, my daughter-in-law disappeared. She walked out of the house without her phone or keys, her wallet or anything, and literally disappeared. And there's been no clue, no trace, in spite of massive searches. It's obviously greatly impacted my son and two of my granddaughters. It's impacted me. But the equanimity that I've learned in this practice, not meaning that I'm happy about that or it's OK, but that I can acknowledge that and not get totally stuck in it, has been very helpful and very supportive. This practice helped me. At the time she disappeared, we were in Sashin or I think that that was a five-day set. And that was very helpful, being there, meditating each day for many, many hours. So that helps. But also in simple ways, I can get just upset. Things aren't quite going my way or somebody does something I don't like. And I start fussing and fuming about it and complaining and cussing and carrying on. I have learned to temper that. I haven't learned to eliminate it. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. The director knows full well. They hear me often. But I haven't learned to eliminate it. But like today was a difficult day for me because I have this cold that I had a lot to do and I get upset and I just say, no, I can go ahead and just do this. I can be of service and help this person or I can answer that question or that email or I can give this person a tour of the temple. And although my initial impulse was, ah, I didn't stay stuck in that. And I've learned that through the third paramedic and part patients and through the practice of Zazen. We can go to bed early. Not quite yet. You mentioned Zazen and other techniques. Could you talk briefly about the other techniques too? Well, for example, breath and pranayama experience. So, and more broadly, yoga is very helpful for me. Also, I have a practice in the morning of stretching myself, not just yoga postures, but stretching because I wake up with a very tight hip on the right side. And I've come to find that if I do certain exercises, it loosens it up and I'm not stuck with that all day. It could have to do with getting massage. There's a whole variety of things. And we can experiment with different ones and see what works. You know, I even on my birthday had a facial. And I've never had a facial before, but I found that quite a beautiful experience. You know, so little things pop up here and there. Maybe it's simply taking a break and walking around the block. But caring for oneself, it's not just about caring for other people. It's for all bodhisattvas and we are a bodhisattva also. So we need to care for ourselves and whatever methods work for you and maybe something one day and something different the next. But experiment. And I think you told me earlier today, you love singing. And I think that's probably a great technique for you, for me. No. Thank you. Thank you so much, sir. We have a question in the chat from Liz. How do we stop the constant thoughts that come to mind over and over and over? I don't know. I work with that. And sometimes it's more and sometimes it's less, but it definitely plagues me. And some nights I can not sleep well because constant thoughts come up and they're not nightmares and they're not necessarily, you know, dire things. Just continually thinking in thoughts. And so I might get up and have some water. I try to go back to bed and focus my thoughts and my thinking. I don't deny that those are going on and I acknowledge them and try not to get stuck in them. The same thing can occur in zazen. Many thoughts can arise. But I'm experiencing less so in zazen these days. Not as many arise or they're not as intense for me as they are during the night. So one of the things to deal with that, for example, during the night is maybe catch a 20-minute nap somewhere in the morning or in the afternoon. And that helps calm me back down. So it's not always dealt with suddenly or at the moment. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes it's not till later in the day that those thoughts and activities are stemmed. I'll tell you one other thing that works for me. I love reading thrillers. And I can get totally lost in a thriller. And when I do, somehow that dispels those thoughts that have been plaguing me. Thank you. Thank you so much, Roger, for that beautiful talk. You said something about extinguishing the heart. Could you speak up a little? Yes, thank you very much for your talk. Can you say more about what you mean by what happens when, how does one extinguish the heart when the belly is? Well, we don't extinguish the heart. We extinguish what may be burning there. And again, coming back to equanimity can be one way at that. You know, to use the example once again of my daughter-in-law, I really feel it in my heart, but I don't have to be stuck there. And I'm actually very proud of my son and my two granddaughters who aren't totally stuck there, that they've been able to go about their, somewhat their normal lives. So, extinguishing that flame in my heart can mean doing normal things, acknowledging it, letting it be. And then deep in the belly can be those afflictions and those resentments and those character defects that reside, that ancient twis