Gavin Milne: Morning Instructions - Illuminating the Inner Weather, Becoming Aware of Mind States

So we continue with the practice of awakening, being more awake to our experience in the moment, in the here and now, starting to make sense of so much of what we usually identify with within what is actually an ever-changing landscape of heart and mind, and sensing into the simplicity of the here and now, simplicity of this unfolding life of ours, just noticing even how it is just now in this hall, in the silence, and recognizing the experience you're having right now, different to last night, different to this time yesterday. And starting to get a feel for practice is always having this degree of flexibility. We're back to the metaphor of the horse and the leash around the tree. So sometimes really helpful to orient more towards the anchoring experience that we've started to get to know during this retreat, just nice and simple with the breathing. Absolutely valid support that we can always return to, especially in those times in which just doesn't quite feel so clear what's going on, a sense of gathering. And of course, you know, the sense in that image of the the horse maybe kind of moving around slowly or wandering or at times really taking, really coming to stillness there, being really curious and attentive about this present moment. So sometimes quite naturally just feels like abiding with the breathing, following those sensations, knowing them directly. It's feels like a natural flow in practice, the sense even of becoming a little bit curious about the tree, just feeling what it's like to be there to abide there, sense a little bit like the outbreath of meditation practice. But equally also those natural movements of just opening up a little bit, just looking around the landscape, starting to suss out and see so much of what usually takes us away, what we usually identify with, have us running around from one thing to the next, never quite landing, never quite arriving. And so really relating to the teachings that we've offered so far, just as supports for this fluidity and simplicity. So it might be at times just being a little bit curious about the feeling tone, the vadana, in a sense lies at the root of what can often become a very, very complicated process. You know, where suddenly we're having stories build about this, that and the other, and what's wrong in our life and what we need to change. And the thing that we didn't notice is the unpleasant experience that was at the root of it. So primal. Might even be able to sort of sense into how your life works in this way. You know, one morning you wake up, the landscape feels a bit different, problems don't feel so bad. And yet when things are really unpleasant, feels like all sorts of things need to change or be fixed. So so helpful just to tune into the feeling tone at different times. There's a kind of support for this simplicity. Equally just the simple sensations in the body, sensing in, feeling in, and perhaps starting to get to know thoughts as thoughts, just allowing them to be thoughts. Noticing they too, times can be pleasant, unpleasant, neither. With that images may arise in the mind, very similar. All these things changing all the time. So today we also want to offer in, if you like, another kind of light, offer in if you like another kind of layer of experience that can be there in the background as a support for this simplifying. And if you like unhooking for so much of what can, from so much of what can take us away, have us get lost. And this is the terrain of mind states. So we can think of mind states a little bit like the inner weather. So we might have started to kind of suss out different things in the field or different things that arise in our experience, but also really helpful to notice the the weather that's there in our minds. It's quite curious. We can start to see this quite clearly at Gaya House. You know, one day we're kind of looking out the window out in the garden and listening to the birds and just thinking, Oh, they all sound a bit miserable out there. Don't they? It's God, let's be tough life being a bird and it sounds so happy. And then the following day into the hall, looking out the window and God, it seems so happy out there having having fun chirping away. So this real sense of this sort of prevailing weather so often what we base things on as well. And we're starting to with this teaching also get a sense and open to the inner sense. Our nature is really the sky. It's not the weather. And with this quality of awareness, we start to kind of come into contact with that sense of sky more and more. So in the teachings, particularly helpful, these sort of broader experiences that might be going on just to be able to sort of notice get a feel for them, maybe gently label them. So particular things to look out for a mind filled with craving or attachment. Just noticing, ah, the state of mind. Yeah, there's craving and attachment there in this meditation or mind with aversion and ill will. That might be the mind state or mind with delusion and confusion. So really important because these are these kind of three things that can often as known as the unwholesome roots in the in the teaching. So very helpful to notice and just to normalize, maybe just drop a little label in. Okay, yeah, there's aversion and ill will there right now. But equally, it's the mind scattered, scattered mind or concentrated mind. Or cramped mind that feels tight or expanded mind that feels expensive. So start to get the sense of just starting to get a feel also for the prevailing weather that's there. And to realize this too, we don't have to take so personally. None of it's a life sentence and actually is enabled to just move through in its own time. And actually is enabled to just move through in its own time. The more we're able just to kind of recognize the flavor of it. And with this teaching very much, the invitation is absolutely not to do anything with the weather at all. So it can support a real sense of steadiness. You know, we're getting a little bit of a handle of, okay, yeah, there's unpleasant experience there. And it's like, ah, this is the mind state today. I'm just feeling dull and drowsy. That's the background weather and just sensing the awareness that knows that. Sensing the awareness that knows that. So there can also be this real sense of kind of potential steadiness that comes with illuminating this aspect of our experience as well. And so if there's anger there, that might be a little bit more like a thunderstorm. Some of the other particular challenges or hindrances that we've mentioned this, this retreat, confusion or sleepiness might feel like foggy weather in the system, bright sunshine, joy, clarity. So we're interested to know and observe and be aware of the weather, not to try to change it. So if you, if you like, there'll be a few little steps. And particularly if it sort of feels like, oh, there's something I'm not quite noticing in my experience, can being aware, I'm seeing thoughts, etc. It might just be feel like something we're not noticing. We can, we can check the weather and there's a few steps we can apply for this. So step one, consciously turning your attention away from your body and breath, your anchoring experience and just see if you can look directly at your mind. Just get a sense of what that is. So this is obviously more subtle experience. Just explore getting a feel for doing that and see if you can recognize the current state. So what's the weather in your mind right now? Is it restless? Is it sluggish? Is it peaceful? See if you can just notice it. Simply notice it. Step three, just see if you can label it silently. Use a soft one word note to label the state. If the mind's full of thoughts, say silently, restless. If it feels heavy, say sluggish. If it's quiet, say still. And then practice just letting it be, not needing to do anything more. So this sense in a way that you, your awareness is the sky. It's not the weather. Let the storm or the sunshine just exist without trying to fix it. So just starting to get a little bit of a feel for this. So there's things that feel much more like clouds in our experience that we can find ourselves, especially if they feel unpleasant or pleasant, really getting sucked into. So we've got the opportunity to recognize those clouds a little bit more. We spoke about the doubting mind. One of those clouds we can find ourselves in and helpful just to know, are this feels pleasant or it feels unpleasant? And start to sense this potential of not getting so stuck or embroiled in the clouds, enables them to pass through in their own time. So real thought storms, lots of images coming up. So much need to make sense of them. They can be quite random at times. Sometimes just noticing, oh yeah, there's a bit of an unpleasant flavor with this or a bit of a pleasant flavor. Let me just stay steady with awareness. So the sense in all these practices supporting this quality of awareness. And with this, it's also the nature of this terrain of the sky, these other qualities that can start to appear or we might get a sense of in our experience. Also good to know the sort of general direction of travel. And so there might just have been little glimpses of this at times or might even be flavors in your experience. So sometimes there can just be a little bit more curiosity. You know, you can just be sort of practicing away. And suddenly it's like, oh no, I'm actually genuinely curious about this now. What is this feeling tone experience? Can I really get a sense of that? Curious about being in the here and now. It's one of the qualities of if you like the sun or the clear sky, just the sense of being in the here and now. Just coming into the picture a little bit. It can also be quality of joy or the qualities of the sky as well. You know, haven't really been doing anything and certainly haven't got anything, particularly from being here on retreat, haven't accumulated anything. And sometimes there can just be some joy. So really good to recognize and know that because that's come from nowhere else other than the sky. And also just to know that this is a possibility. We can sometimes one of the state things the state of mind can do can put a prevailing sense of kind of boredom or neutrality onto what might lie ahead. You know, imagining a kind of prevailing fog or something like that. It's like, okay, well once I get out of this storm here or this here, there's just the kind of, yeah, a bit neutral. But actually know the qualities of the sky very uplifting, very satisfying. So times there might be some joy that arises really helpful just to know that and to not need to try to hang on to it, do anything with it just to recognize. And also the quality of calm. So again, with the metaphor of the horse, you get the sense of once it's happy to sort of be there and has gathered can also just naturally leading towards a calm. This isn't something we can make happen. If we ever sort of really try to make ourself calm down, it just doesn't work. It's a bit like with a glass of water. If you imagine the glasses, the body and the water in the glass, I'm lifting a glass up just now. If you've got your eyes closed, you know, we can much of our life actually can be like, I try and make that calm. You know, I'll do this so that I can make the water calm. You sort of put pressure on ourself and it doesn't make the water calm. It's a sense through practice of just putting the glass down and then what happens to the water then that can really naturally come to calm. So in a sense, all of these teachings are just helping us illuminate the things that are involved in us picking it up and putting pressure on our experience. So getting a feel for practice, not so much as a kind of another one of those to-do lists, but more what can I illuminate here? What can I recognize in my experience? And so to recognize concentration, if it's there, and we can think of concentration much more as this gathering of like kind of just okayness in the here and now, like a kind of concentrated sense of awareness of being present, not like a kind of tight, really rigid kind of really focused on something that can sometimes feel a little bit tense. This is just like, ah, this might be a concentrated mind. And also we might be able to recognize steadiness, this quality of equanimity. Again, might just be there somewhere in our experience or at times we might feel it a little bit more. Again, another quality of the sky. And again, we don't make these qualities happen. We can't make them happen, but it's just a sense. So this too is part of the practice, practice of coming home. But primarily the most helpful ones to notice are the minds that are much more there with a sense of craving and aversion, craving and attachment or aversion and ill will and delusion, confusion, ignorance. And so often there's one of those in the mix with the weather and just helpful to recognize last one in particular, are there's confusion and I'm just not really seeing things clearly at the moment. Just to see if you can label that and just allow it to be. So you might with that metaphor just get a sense of, you know, the field and the surroundings and the different things that can be moving and going on, but also the weather and the sky and the simple practice of sometimes opening awareness and other times just really moving back towards the anchor, supporting the mind together. Always a little bit of flexibility between these two. Sensing into what feels supportive and at times if it feels like just going with that anchoring experience and letting it guide you more and more into the present moment, its curiosity about the present moment, just feel free to go with that. Let that be natural. Okay so feel free to move the body a little bit, stand up for a minute if you'd like to and then just coming back to sitting posture. And so this sense today of really taking our seat, so really showing up for exactly what is here in this moment, staying with that intention and just this sense of these ancient teachings just supporting wise illumination of the landscape and indeed weather of our inner experience. So also including in this these five particular challenges that in their nature have the effect of you know something's wrong, this shouldn't be here, I want to get out, get away from this leash again, you know, I want to get out of this field. So they're particularly helpful to keep an eye on so the reminders are up there on the notice board of what they are. But this sense of this potential really to illuminate whatever's happening in our experience to start to know thought as thought, images as images and we're resting into the nature of the inconstancy and impermanency of all this experience, even the prevailing weather. So often it's that weather that will superimpose itself into the future, prevailing weather that evaluates, you know, do I like this practice or do I not. And we're just really taking our seat and being open and curious to the nature of the clear sky and really the connection with that clear sky is this quality of awareness that we've been nurturing, practicing. So just maybe sensing in feeling into your anchoring home base, whether it's just the sensations of the body sitting or the breathing place in the breathing experience. And so even when we open our awareness a little bit more, it's still sense of how that can be there at the center of things. We're just not needing to pull at the leash or anything like that. It's just there, the breathing's happening. But I'm also sussing out the landscape a little bit. Actually I think I can feel some yeah background kind of craving and grasping in the mind, sense of attachment. Just see if you can include that and allow that just to be prevailing weather. Or there might just be more aversion in the mix. Just feeling generally averse. There's a kind of background push. I'm not sure I really want to be meeting myself this way. Just wanting to kind of push away. Just see if you can include that as well. Or also notice if neither of these are there. There's a sense of oh yeah there's actually not so much of that going on just now. And again so helpful just to have something where we can just name oh yeah there's not much clarity here right now. It's just feeling a bit confused. I'm a bit switched off. It's all a bit vague. Just what about allowing that to be the prevailing weather. Just knowing it will change at its own time. And also noticing if it's more in the opposite direction. Oh yeah it's a bit of clarity actually. A little bit like the clouds aren't so thick right now. Not so rainy. Might be what you pick up on. It's just an overall sense of tightness of more contraction. Or more in the opposite direction. Just feels more spacious, more expanded. See if you can include allow that to be the weather right now. And all the thoughts and various different emotions that might be there. Just sensing into them as more like clouds. Not trying to push them away. Not trying to avoid. Just to know. Just to recognize. Sense of kindness. Also knowing them as changing experiences. And you might notice just spending a little bit of time in this way. Having this flexibility to illuminate your experience. And also just naturally reconnect with the object of meditation. And thus there's this kind of opening, looking around, exploring and then coming back to the home base again. Of course it all feels a lot more choppy if there's a, if the weather's stormy. But there's the possibility just to know that's the weather. That's the weather right now. When the experience is like that of course it's very often just reconnecting beginning again. Coming back. Reconnecting. Just knowing the weather can help us make space for that. It's like, ah this is really valuable practice to sow those seeds of awareness right where it's normally I get most sucked in. There's lots and lots of thoughts. Lots of confusion. That's the weather. Okay. Just beginning again. Whatever those moments of awareness come back. Strong winds. Just seeing this moment if you can get a sense of the prevailing mind state. And also a sense of the feeling tone of it. Whether it's a little bit more on the unpleasant side or a lot more on the unpleasant side or somewhere in the middle or on the pleasant side. Just get a sense of oh yeah it's interesting how this then informs other things. And in a sense buoyed on by this possibility of the starting to taste flavors of the sky beyond the weather, beyond the clouds. Supported by just the practice of meeting what's here in this moment. Whatever the weather. Okay. So a day of practice and exploration lies ahead and prevailing weather outside looks pretty supportive for walking meditation right now. And it's interesting to just entertain you know how much governance the prevailing weather or some of the visitors we've spoken of in practice have on our lives and the way that they don't serve what we're most looking for or most longing for in our life. So just a little bit of a playful exploration of that today as you head in. And my teacher used to say at a certain point of on a retreat it's actually easier to be completely wholehearted than it is to be half hearted. And this slight paradox of the reality of feeling underwater in our lives. And ultimately it's going to be easier to get our head above water even if it feels like we don't really want to swim. And there's sort of something in that in this practice of meditation you know it's like we follow that prevailing weather or you know the one of those hindering forces that can arise and we and we kind of sort of on some level feels easier but you might get a sense of ah but that doesn't doesn't really serve. So you've got the opportunity today and again just playful this isn't about kind of coming from a kind of harsh place within but just alig