Chas DiCapua: Do Your Best, Be Sincere, And Let That Be Good Enough

Hi everyone, hello again or hello for the first time for folks just joining us here and at home So do your best Be sincere and let that be good enough I was teaching a retreat this summer with Shelley graph and they Brought that in they were doing a Dharma talk I think or maybe was instruction, but they brought this quote in I Can't remember from where it was not a kind of a Buddhist origin and originally I that quote wasn't being directed Towards Dharma practice per se. I think it was kind of being directed or Brought to bear on kind of how how we do things. Yeah and so Shelley Brought that into the retreat and when I heard it. I was like, yes They nailed it. They really that's good. I gotta I gotta remember that one You know after the talk was over and like oh Shelley Can I have that I want to write it down? and I thought I Might be really interesting, you know to just unpack that and explore that a little bit with folks Like that phrase and what does it actually mean for us? Right? Because certainly Could mean different things for different people But you know, I don't know I was jazzed enough by it to do this with it. So here we are I thought maybe we could look at each line At a time and it's separate and then kind of check it out in its totality And then open it up because I really want to I'd really like to hear how this Kind of lands for you this this quote and what it how you resonate with it or not or what it brings up for you, etc Yeah, I really want there to be an opportunity for that Hmm. So this is interesting. I do your best. Okay, just take that in and kind of Reflect on how that feels to hear someone say to you in any you know in any context, right do your best and Including, you know, what's what's been your history with hearing the phrase do your best, right? When it when when did you first hear that? Probably something associated with school All right to your best Yeah, but what but what does that mean? We hear it's like Okay, you know little kid. Oh, okay But just take a moment right now as you are now Do your best What comes after that for you or what? what does it stir and That and certainly that could be different in different situations, right? Someone said do your best in situation a that might feel feel very differently and if someone said do your best in situation B. Yeah, so one thing for sure that we've all been indoctrinated into is Comparing What our best looks like in terms of other people's best. Yeah, when did that start? right very early Against school unless you were really lucky enough to not be in public school and being a school where that got downplayed But not just in school certainly in in popular culture in popular society We're taught to and Explicitly and implicitly compare our best to other people's best Yeah, I remember third grade like third grade I remember the room where my desk was and on the On the wall like high almost like to the ceiling above the blackboard There were these cut out paper horses like they're you know like horses galloping and They were positioned like the left-hand side was like zero And then they read just different places along and they had to do with where and and our names were on them So each each each of us had a horse, right? Oh, yeah, and you know, they had where they were Was in context to where we were on our multiplication tables Where we on our fours our fives our sixes our seven, you know, it's like and there it was every day You know, we we didn't have math class in third grade. That was it one room. So that was like the banner Okay, well, that's my best Okay, right Do your best? Yeah, and what does that mean? Anyways, what is Right what my best when in what moment? Right, so there can there can certainly be I can't speak for everyone, but certainly like popular culture wise and Very common schooling Yeah, it can be a little bit of like maybe a little We hear that do your best So there can be that there there could be that that side to do do our best I want to Suggest that it doesn't have to me like doesn't have to be that and Doing our best is Really on one level From it was kind of a Dharma practice level or Dharma understanding level doing our best is simply having an intention Because the rest is up to causes and conditions in any given moment, right? We're not in charge We can certainly we certainly have agency and we cultivate things But what the best is going to be in any given moment is out In that moment is out of our control so our best can just rest on whatever understanding we have in that moment whatever Wholesome and unwholesome qualities of heart and mind are present and That's going to be the best It's also going to be the worst because it could not be otherwise Right that moment could not be otherwise the next moment. No doesn't say anything about that but for that moment You if you want it to be otherwise you have to go back to the Big Bang and start over So the best is really from from a Dharma understanding. It's just what is oh Well, that feels better Right. Why I can do that Yeah, I can allow just what's going to be to be and Not need it to be different or not compare it with the moment before or two days ago I can Because I'm not in charge of that moment. Oh Okay, I'll do my best I can do that Yeah, because on one level You know, it's like a Gets dualistic doing our best is Contingent upon that there be a doing are not best Right. There's no without a not best. There's no best It doesn't so they have to there has to be that relationship and when one understands or to the degree that one understands You know this conditioned realm that we live in and how things operate and dependently co-arise Then there is no best or not best They're just what is So with our Dharma practice, maybe we can kind of move beyond the personal and Comparing and judging of what the best is and just know Any given moment for ourselves and our practice in our life that it's like this now and Hold that with a kind Attention I keep wanting to bring in that that third line and let that be good enough, right? That that's the that's the crux of the Of the quote in my mind be sincere Interesting That's an interesting one. No, it could it could mean Be be sincere with or to others you know But I think really what in terms of our Dharma practice and the You know the arena that Shelley was offering this quote in was really about being sincere with ourselves Yeah, and it's asking us you could say being sincere with ourselves You could maybe substitute the word truthful be truthful with yourself be be sincere with yourself be truthful What is that? Well, I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean or it won't be helpful if it means give yourself a hard time About what you're being truthful about about yourself I think that's optional and and not so helpful But it doesn't mean don't be sincere, right? So maybe there's two Quite opposites and maybe with kind of extreme so one would be like Really like always taking a hard look at ourselves and really just being sincere about all the places we come up short Yeah, I'm kind of getting stuck there and like Giving ourselves a hard time about that so that might be one not so helpful extreme And then maybe it's opposite it could be something like You know, there's no self-reflection. It's just kind of bumbling along and not really Having awareness Be part of the the picture. All right, just yeah That could be kind of its opposite and also maybe not so helpful. So what would the middle look like right? What would the not being those two? well being truthful or sincere about what we Are aware of in our own Mind our own hearts our own speech are on behavior like just being sincere and truthful about that Yeah, just nice example that came to mind when I was thinking of this I'm supporting a couple of the staff at IMS who have Locked horns a little bit to come to an understanding and One of the staff was they kind of got to a place where they were like Yeah, you know what I said what I did that that wasn't right that that was That was not helpful that I can see how that was harmful. Yeah but it was so great because They weren't which obviously in such a situation is very helpful, right? It kind of Things start to loosen up when someone offers that into the space of conflict. Yeah So that was nice what I really liked though was There was no And I was bad for doing that or I actually should have been able to do something different in that moment You could tell you could it was so clear energetically Kind of where they were at with that and it was just like yeah, that's I Said this I did this and yeah That was not helpful. Yeah, that was On on skillful unwholesome, but it was just that there's no there's no baggage with that There's no identification with that again. That's the understanding of Yeah The ingredients came together From the whole rest of their life And the person that was in front of them that this went down with and their their whole life and all that came together and That's what happened and there's the sincerity was just the recognition that yeah That which came out of my mouth and that those actions I did were not helpful Yeah, that to me. That's like that's sincere. That's the middle there that avoids Both of those unhelpful extremes remember one time some years ago. I Just started to I don't know what I don't think there's anything that precipitated it But I just kind of became aware of like I'm getting on the computer every morning before I even meditate like And it's like That's not for my well-being That's just not helpful like it would be much better if the first thing I did in the morning was meditate Like that would just be better for me This is sincere. Yeah, there's this habit that's happening and It's not for my well-being No judgment but just the clarity and the truthfulness that Yeah, that's So great So that's this is kind of I think what be sincere is pointing to for for us You know, of course be sincere about all our good qualities to Really take those in make much of them Welcome them celebrate them, but there needs to be that ability the capacity to really self-reflect on any moment, right any moment and Kind of how is this and Yeah Right investigation. How is this the Buddha and this one suit of the Buddha was talking to actually his son the son that he had with his Wife that he was married to and As many members of the Buddhist family and clan did they took ropes so so young very, you know young monk and I think it was actually a way the Buddha was admonishing him his name was Rahula And I think he was admonishing him because Rahula was had told an untruth But anyways You said to Rahula before during and after You think say or do something Look and see is this going to if it's before is this if it's happening and has it if it's afterward Brought suffering to myself another or both and if it has Don't do it or stop doing it or don't do it again It's like the Buddhist teachings are very pragmatic just Yeah Sometimes I like to think of him like just stop it Just stop and Then of course on the other and then if you you reflect and see that Your thoughts or your speech or your actions are not causing suffering Will not are not or have not caused suffering to yourself or another or both then Do go ahead and do that or keep doing it or do it again And so we have to be sincere to be able to do that can't just be kind of completely diluted and go Oh, that's fine or no we have to actually look closely and tune in to How is this and again without I did you know in a on a good day without identification Because as soon as there's identification then then we're into well, that's not my best and I blew it or you know We were in that realm So to the degree that we cannot Identify with what we see then is to the degree that we can just actually be fully sincere and have a very just bright mirror And just like yeah, this is this is how it is and I can I can learn from this I mean that's a lot of our practice Yeah, be sincere You know that The same formal practice you're meditating and then you know like the top five comes up, you know There's like maybe four half five half a dozen Worlds that we like to create and inhabit. Yeah, and one of those comes up and it's like That'll be good let's go there and then the the sincerity can be and You know, how's that gonna be like we can reflect start to be able to actually reflect oh Actually know how that's gonna be because I've done it five thousand times before I know exactly where it goes I know exactly where it ends. I know exactly where it leaves me and I know exactly how I feel when I wake up from being in that world. I already know That's being sincere And then we still make sure we still might go because that was our best we did our best yeah and right and if that The conditions are right for it. Well, we might be able to do that kind of reflection and we still might Go and that would be the best that we did we could do at that moment right No, I should have been able No, it doesn't work that way Doesn't work that way do your best Be sincere and let that be good enough right Really so be sincere now with your own experience and Is your relationship to your Dharma practice that It's good enough no no More practices needed Right and you know this of course could be quite subtle and not like Flogging ourselves, but there's some there's some place here and then there's some place there Which includes a future? Of course, which doesn't exist But there's some place here and then there's some place of there and that there is better than here Right, can you relate and by definition? When we're in that program when that program is running which it mostly does When that program is running in this heart and mind There's a here. There's a there that's better than a here and I'm not there yet because that's in the future Then the here is not good enough By definition Right yeah By definition when that program is running here is not good enough so it's good to see that and be sincere and Strong, I mean we got indoctrinated into that, you know two main lines right right hand just 24-7 you know whether whether Just being in second grade isn't good enough right You got to do it to get the third aside like just that in it of itself is not good enough because there's more And you have to do well enough to graduate second grade and not be held back And so you can get the third grade, but then you get the third grade and the program is still running It may not be your personal program as a little one yet, but it's the societal program running for sure So when you get to the next when that program is running when you get to that next moment that next moment includes It's not good enough because it will include a next moment right there's no arriving Yeah, there's no final arriving in That scenario that could be again, you know talking about Dharma practice But our Dharma practice is just a microcosm of it's our life right it's not just sequestered You know your relationship your job are our neuroses. I just need to I just need to you know Get that one under control and then right and then that's the that's the future and then well, I'll get there And but then there'll be something else One time I heard a talk just like I wasn't live just Well back then I was actually on a cassette by Ram Dass was giving a talk and he was talking about like coming to a place in his practice where he finally got that like it wasn't about self-improvement and He said I used to think that practice was about getting rid of my neuroses He goes and now I just take them and I line them up like the kids in the family photo Can you feel or intuit or touch or just even resonate just for a moment What the experience of Good enough would be you know because it's it's not bells and whistles Good enough is the absence of not good enough. Oh Yeah, there's lots of words that you know descriptive adjectives That we could place on that and they're most of them are gonna be like really good really nice relaxed at ease content Peaceful what if you could inhabit Good enough in this moment you personally but also contextual The situation you find yourself in is good enough. That's whatever that moment is Where the the heart isn't wanting more or less of it. It's good enough. It's okay You know we think we say well, we may or may not think but we're certainly we certainly get Popular society tells us about you know How we're not good enough and we need to be kind of special and You know the sharpest pencil in the box and quick and witty and fit and good-looking and yeah Like that that's like that's important. No, it's not No, you don't you you have to do that. What if this moment? Could be good enough. I mean on one level. Isn't that what our Dharma practice is pointing us to that? to not struggle with this moment through Tan Ha through You know wanting and not wanting through becoming Because that's what not good not good enough has become Bob Bob a tan ha it's becoming It's not it's not good enough now. I will in the future If I if I really do my best and bring that That kind of understanding of doing my best right because they all these all fit together right? so we have the understanding of doing my best being like some kind of Herculene effort. Yeah, but I have to kind of like gear up for all right right here we go So if I bring that to bear enough hard enough consistently enough constantly enough then I Will become a Better version of myself Yeah, we spend a lot of time there Becoming the cause of suffering Tan Ha craving the Buddha said abandoned craving stop it Stop it Abandoned craving stop doing that Stop becoming and be With this moment and being in this moment understand come to understand deeply How things are in this realm that you've incarnated into how suffering happens what gives rise to it how happiness happens What gives rise to that when I heard this? it's not like I really you know subscribe to to this and Feel like I inhabit it more and more and more you know certainly it's a trajectory right? We don't not some bar we get over we we grow into our practice why it's called practice why they full path is cultivated We don't just like make it or not make it we cultivate it but the the freedom of Getting that this is not a self-improvement project is Feels good It feels good so when I heard that when I heard Shelly give this quote it's like Yes, I want everyone to hear that everyone to kind of I Would wish everyone to really be able to embody and understand what that quote was kind of pointing to You know in terms of our Dharma practice and our our life is pointing to ease and Contentment and peace that's what it's pointing to Do your best which you will You just will it will be your best because it could not be otherwise and you'll do your best anyways because There's some part of you that loves this practice There's some part of you that knows this this is the way home So of course you'll do your best. You don't have to think about it or worry about it check Be sincere be willing to look honestly at your thoughts Your your speech and your actions and check it out How was that that for my well-being? Yeah You can do that you do do that you wouldn't be here if you didn't do that. Oh, yeah going to Wednesday night being with other kind and wise people Yeah, that's doing that let that be good enough and Now this is different just like the horses who were they thinking right I said like Like that was standard practice, you know in 1968 In 1968 yeah, but the horse is up there. I'll spur them on Yeah, but what about the kids sit back there? How's he doing? Anyways lost it. I Lost it. Let me pause and see I can get it back. I can't it came back on its own There was no No Chas did that that just was lucky that it happened so there can be the horse thing different levels but this the understanding of and