How to Stop Letting People Affect You | Essence of the Geeta | Episode 81

You are listening to the Essence of the Geeta. In this episode, Swamiji explains that lasting peace comes from accepting people and situations as they are, without expectations or attachment. Here we discuss how seeing the same self in all can lead to lasting peace. We get disturbed by the world or get agitated by the world because we see differences or see the world in a different light. Whenever you see nature, you always see her as beautiful. And when you see nature in its natural state, you feel such a sense of peace and joy. The world as such does not disturb us or agitate us. When you see a flower blooming or even the leaves falling from the tree in autumn, changing color and falling, you don't wish it to be otherwise. What brings you the peace and beauty of the mind is when you accept things for what they are. That's why when you are with nature, you just accept it for what it is. You don't say, you know what, I think the leaves should have been pink and not green. Do you ever think like that? But when you have to paint your room, should be pink, should be shade of pink, or will pink look too girly? No, I don't want to look very girly, the girls think that they don't want to look very girly today. And therefore we should have maybe painted a bit magenta. And no, maybe I'll put a little bit of blue and purple there. Mind gets agitated, no? And then when someone comes to your room, how does my room look? And everybody's expected to say, very nice. But if you've got an outspoken friend, she just say, ugly, now you are so hurt. See when you see the world as it is, it does not cause any agitation. In fact, you feel peace when you see nature. Only when this I, my, it should be my way, when it comes about, or things should be the way I want to see it, the things should be the way I want to be there. They should be placed where I want it to be placed. See the moment that comes in, the things begin to agitate us. Now with things, it's still easy to accept. But the worst is with people. In the office, you want people to behave with you in a particular manner. Because of all these type of expectations, we react to people and make various relationships with them. Someone is my well-wisher, from whom I get some favors. Someone is my friend whose company I enjoy. Certain people I don't find comfort with. I stay away from them. Certain are enemies, I fight with them. All these relationships we build, especially with people. How can we have some a buddhi with people? Even with people, see there are people say, your friends, you get along very well with them. And some of your other friends will tell you, how can you get along with this person? We can't even stand that person. Always happens, isn't it? You have two friends. One friend cannot stand the other friend, but they both like you. Does it happen or not? After all, it is our mental perception or coloring on people that some we find them to be our friends, some we label as our relatives, some we label as our enemies, some we don't know. First and foremost is, if we can just know that each and every one, the essence is the same. And in which way any one of us is different, you tell me. We all want to be happy. We all want to be peaceful. Don't we? So even really speaking, our desires are the same. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be peaceful. Everybody wants to be treated well. Now you can't expect it from people, but that is what you can give to the people, is it not? And if you give that to the people, what happens? Whether it's your servant or whether it's your boss, whether it's your wife or whether it is your children, if you, which is what is in your hand is to treat them the way you would want anybody to treat you, how would you want your senior or your boss to treat you? Love, affection, kindness, comforting, no? No, that your juniors also want to be treated in the same manner. Others one will say, as far as a realized master is considered, he sees the Self in everyone. He sees Brahman in everyone. A vaker who's woken up from the dream, let it be that wicked boss in the dream, a domineering boss in the dream, or it be the in-laws or the friend or the beloved. Once you wake up, you cannot say, you know, I'm so stressed out. Because in the dream, that person told me some very harsh words. Once you wake up, everybody in the dream was you, it was your play only. But as a Sadaka, as a seeker, these two verses are pointing out to us how a meditator should live in this world. With Samabuddhi, with the attitude of sameness. Now know that a dog, a poisonous snake, now don't say, oh even the snake is here. And we have stories of saints and sages, or Prahlad also, the snake went round but did not hurt him. Now you don't become a Prahlad right now. But even if it's a poisonous creature, a poisonous creature is poisonous to only protect itself, not to come and bite you unnecessarily and kill you. And any animal is as insecure as you are. Once you know that, then you treat animals with the same respect also, you know. You stay away from them, especially when they are children around and they feel threatened. That we can do, is it not? So we know what we want, we see others in the likeness of the self. And we respond to them in that manner, that way you can always be the same to all. Is it not? Then each one from the highest vision, each one is Brahman only. Once you know it, you try to see. You try to see Brahman in that person. To shift your attention from the equipment to that which enlivens the equipment, it is the same life force that enlivens it. However, our attention is on the equipment and each equipment is the result of its own nature, its own vastness. A dog cannot but bark when it sees a stranger. To expect a dog not to bark when it sees a stranger is what will disturb you. But when you expect the dog to bark when a stranger comes, you mentally learn to accept it. Is it not? The moment you accept a thing for what it is, you know how to interact with it also. Do you complain that the fire is hot? Fire is supposed to be hot. But when you know that the fire is hot, you know how to deal with the fire. That you don't put on a fireplace in the middle of summer and then complain it is hot. In the summer, in a clear sky, the sun will be shining and with the ozone layer gone, it will scorch your body. Now you don't sit and complain, why is the sun hot? Sun is hot. You take an umbrella like a vice-carelite and protect yourself. See, this is called as Samabuddhi, not that, all are one. Aadhade tu mujhe latmar. Go in front of the donkey and say, you are one, so the donkey can kick you from his hind leg. You know, people get this vague idea, you know, they have literally read this and I know there are people who do that because they do not know, they never had a teacher, they never had the essence and now they try to practice this new religion. So they will go on saying, you see, you should not be affected by anyone, even if they are so terrible. Somebody is bad, somebody is bad, except them for what they are. Don't say, why are people so evil in this world? Why did God create evil people? He created you, so why not them? Do not be perturbed. Know each and every one like you only are expressing their own nature. I showed you also that when in Karma Yoga, I showed you also that in the business also, when the people with the right aptitude are put in the right place, they excel. You put them in the wrong place, they will be harmful. Have you seen a golf club? The golf stick? It is an angle stick. If you hit it at the right angle, your ball will reach its destination. You hit it at the wrong angle, it will go flying somewhere. Same way, you expect something from someone and you don't accept them for what they are and you rub them in the wrong place, then what will happen? Why? Karma made enmity with Arjuna or Arjuna would whichever way you say. But Karma was the best friend of Duryodhan, ready to give up his life. So same person can be a friend to someone and the same person can be an enemy to other. It's what you invoke out of the person and there you can be same. Others, you know, when you read these verses, the goal is so beautiful that you remain unaffected by the things and happenings of the world and you know, all the people also are the same. What do you think? All the people are going to turn the same? Jesus was crucified. Guru Arjun Dev Sahib was burnt or roasted in caverns of sand. His own brother schemed to kill him. Jesus' own disciple betrayed him. So when you think about it, did not saints and sages have enemy? But what's in your hand is that you keep an equal eye for everyone. You see, equal eye, no two people are the same. But at least you can deal with them with one attitude of acceptance of love. That you can be same, is it not? For a Sadhaka, at least that you can be same. So you attempt to do that. What is the process? Serve the Shishyate. Such a person excels. Excels means that in the world also he or she remains calm and poised. And such a person undisturbed in the seat of meditation also can remain poised. Somebody used to ask Guru Dev and many often people would come and ask this question. Swamiji, how long should we meditate? In a day also you would say only 24 hours. Even for your half an hour of practice of quiet uplifting meditation, your 23 and a half hours must be geared towards it. The day you get affected by one person, the day you get attracted to one object, the day you've had a fight with someone, that day you'll find you cannot meditate unless you are an expert to withdraw. Therefore, Samabuddhi, Vishishti, keep yourself balanced. Shatravamitre Putre Bandau, Makuru Yatnam, Vigraha Sandau, Sarvasminna Pipashtya Atmanam, Sarvatro Srujavedagyanam, Bhajago Vindam, Bhajago Vindam, Govindam Bhajamo Dham. And even if people behave with you in certain manner, accept them they are what they are. You are the seeker of truth. Your peace of mind is the most important to you and you can't afford to lose it. So why do you give the strings of your happiness and your peace in the hands of people or the world? So Samabuddhi, Vishishti, Shankaracharya says that there is another reading also, Samabuddhi Vimuchchate. One who has this vision of oneness, such a person is liberated while living in the midst of the people and things. Now explain this in great detail. As I said, we get most bothered by people only, not so much by things. Things only a little bit of attraction and dislike and likes and dislikes and therefore a little bit of anxiety, etc. But that which disturbs our mind most is people. You agree or not? Whether at home, whether in the office, even in the ashram, don't you think that if anything disturbs you, is how somebody spoke to you or how somebody else is behaving? This is how it always affects us. Consider everybody as your own. Samabuddhi Vishishti. Such a person indeed excels, means lives a life of peace also and also attains the supreme peace. Or such a yogi who has attained to this oneness, such a person indeed is the most excellent. That is what it means. Now having said that, now through what methods one can attain this highest goal, which is called as sahaja samadhi. That wherever your mind goes, you see the Lord of your heart. Or you can say you see Brahman everywhere, sarvam kallu vidam brahma. And therefore there is no other. There is only Brahman, Brahman, Brahman. How do we attain that state? So that's what now Bhagawan teaches us what is meditation. Such a yogi, here yogi means meditator. And who is a meditator? Who through karma yoga has become a sannyasi. Means free from extrovertedness, free from desires. And now wants to seek only the infinite, only the truth. Such a yogi, yunjeeta satatam. Satatam constantly. As we said earlier, this is not a half an hour practice, 40 minutes practice or two hours practice. Satatam at all times should try to keep his or her mind balanced. So you should try to keep your mind balanced in the interaction with the world. But in the seat of meditation, regularity and punctuality is necessary. You know your mind, whatever it does every day at the same time, effortlessly it will continue to do it. 4 o'clock. Tee tee, tee tee, tee tee. Imagine if every day 4 a.m. it goes meditation, meditation, meditation. See. So, satatam constantly. Yunjeeta, let such a yogi constantly keep his or her mind yunjeeta. Well reigned, keep the mind steady. Well controlled. And keeping oneself atmanam rahasi stitah. And such a person keeping the mind steady and remaining in solitude. Rahasi stitah. Rahasi very often we understand as secret. It doesn't mean that you know you find some secret spot. These days you can't afford a secret spot. Rahasi means solitude in a quiet place. There's also a suggestiveness here that don't make your meditation public. Not that in congregations don't meditate. Gurudev used to dramatize and say, it's your secret rendezvous with the beloved of your heart. It's a secret meeting with yourself. When you go to meet your lover, you want the whole world to be around you. Rahasi in solitude as though secretly. Don't make a big demonstration. You know I meditate two hours a day. Or I go to one of these retreats up in the mountains. Where for one week we just meditate, meditate, meditate. And you carry your mobile phone with you, they will check on you. Rahasi stitah. Rahasi means solitude. Even the busiest marketplace. At some time is quiet. There is no one around. If you can't find a place, find a time. After all, time and space is a quantum. You find a time when you are alone. Rahasi. Where it is quiet. Ekaki alone. Alone does not mean only that nobody is around you. Alone means as in your mind are you alone? Where are we alone these days? No where. So Ekaki. Be alone. Not just physically, but do not have the crowd of thoughts of people, things and unnecessary situations in your mind. Ekaki. Yatachitatma. One whose mind, senses and body are controlled, mastered. And how is it mastered? Physically, body is get steady without movement. And you realize how difficult it is. No suna shanti shanti shanti tadantadantadantadum tadantadum to be fully aware that your body is steady without movement. Yatachitatma. And what is the mental condition that should be there? Nirashihi, free from all expectations. Not hopeless as I pointed out. Free from all anxieties of the future. And apparigraha. Like Janak Maharaj, nothing belongs to me. Not a possessor of, there will be things in your possession, but in the seat of meditation, nothing belongs to me. That should be the attitude. Then your mind will be quiet. Otherwise you'll be still worried. Oh, did I leave my room open? Oh, I left my clothes on the bed. Oh, I hope they don't put it for wash. It will tear. Not even being stolen, no? See, anything that is mine will preoccupy the mind. Hopes and expectations will preoccupy your mind. Shantara Chaya says basically, in solitude, alone, without any wants and without any possessions, which means you should be a sannyasi. Even in Kairveliya Upanishad, it's very self. Sanyasa yogat. Which means that when you are sitting in the seat of meditation, don't think that you are a husband, wife, child, businessman, doctor. At that moment, you are just the seeker of truth. Nothing belongs to you. No one is yours. That should be the attitude in the seat of meditation. Because the moment you start thinking of someone, worries will start. So that should be the condition. Nirashir apparigraha. So internally, you should be free of all. Asha means all expectations which free from desires. And externally, don't hold too many things. The more things you have, the more you have to worry. About Goswami Tulsidas ji, it is said, and the story will come little later on in the thing. When he became a popular sadhu, a popular speaker, naturally people started giving a lot of gifts. Even don't want to go, would leave something behind in his house. Even though he lived in a hut, thieves came to steal in his house. So, apparigraha, keep the least. And even if you, for whatever reason have to have, think nothing is mine. Gaya to gaya. Aayaram, gaya-ram. You say no. What is gone is gone. Nothing was mine. That apparigraha, be free from all sense of holding and possession. Even things you don't want, you hold it, finally you get worried. What to do with it? See, so apparigraha. Now Bhagawan even gives step by step. Where in general he said everything, that one should attempt to meditate in a place which is rahasi, in solitude, alone, and with body, mind and body and senses and mind well controlled. And at the same time, what should be the attitude in meditation that I am a sannyasi. Nothing belongs to me. There's nothing for me to do. There's nothing for me to get, other than seek the truth. That is the attitude.