Kindness and Oneness

This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. It all takes a very long time. So sometimes I have a feeling like I'm just arriving. Books are kind of done. There's some famous stories that during all this ceremony and then taking the seat and then just leaving. I don't yet have the courage. I'm thankful to be here and sit. I mean is Jerry any avatar, clean Gulch? I'm thankful to see some old friends and many friends are to mine as well. Welcome to all of you and as always I wonder what we're doing here. What brings us here? And this morning I found a line that might speak to that for you. Can you hear me okay? No, can you hear me better? Stay close. You didn't miss anything. I'm just like the dog, you know, walking in circles before I lie down. And maybe a while. I think some dogs just need three. You know only the Buddha has really laid down everything. So we circle and circle and circle. Longing to lay it all down. So these lines from Suzuki Roshi I feel are maybe expressing something about why you're here this morning and certainly they expressed something about why I'm here. Zen practice is not so hard. That's good. Everything else is hard. How about have Zen practice not be so hard? Our practice is everywhere. So you didn't have to come here. But thanks for coming. You don't have to come next time. Zen practice is not so hard. Our practice is everywhere. If you don't attain enlightenment, it's okay. As long as you do not lose these points, how to be kind to others and how to be one with others. Well, you don't need to attain enlightenment or have some idea about what Zen is. If we can just stay close to these points to be kind to others and to be one with others. Sometimes he says, you know, this is our founder, Shinriya Suzuki Roshi founder of the San Francisco Zen Center, of which Gringoldsch Farm. People are sometimes surprised to hear his apart. He sometimes says, you know, it is already enlightenment to be one with others, to be kind to others. And by others, we mean everything, anything that arises in the field of our life. Does that sound familiar to your heart? Like, oh yeah, maybe that's why I drove over the road to be kind to others and to be one with others without losing our place as ourself. So the reason that's not hard is because we already have that nature, the nature of utter intimacy with everything in the field of our life and the natural heart shape of love and care. It's not hard. We don't have to climb a mountain to get those things. It's just already our nature. So maybe we come to be reminded, we touch the teachings to be reminded that this nature is so intimate. Our life is so intimate. We are one with each other without losing our place. And we naturally long to practice kindness with all things. So because it's our nature, you know, there's nowhere we need to climb to. There's nothing we need to really change about what we are or what this is. But we have ample opportunity to let go of things. So our practice is kind of a practice of letting go and resuming that nature that we already are and have the nature that everything, our life arises as one thing with everything in it, intimate, not separate already. This isn't like a fancy idea. This is just a direct experience of each of us in our life. Everything that comes in our life is together with our life. Nothing is outside. And this kindness is our natural heart, our birthright. So one of the ways that we practice not losing these points of kindness and intimacy or oneness with things is to practice zazen or sitting meditation. So I wanted to refresh a bit what this zazen practice is, the way we teach it here. Okay. And is anyone here for another reason than this? Or a reason that can't be expressed through these words? These words aren't the reason. But what these words express maybe is something like the call of our heart. Could we just love? Could we just be in the intimacy? So zazen is in some grueling meditation practice. It's letting ourself just resume, return to the unified field of our life, the intimacy of being alive together with everything and the warm nature that arises from that intimacy. So to practice zazen, we come into our body. It's this embodied practice. We come into our body and we come into our breath. And especially we invite the breath and the energy and the awareness down into the belly, to the ground down. So as we breathe out, we're breathing out from as deep in our body as we can and breathing in, the breath flows all the way into the bottom of the belly. Grounded, embodied. And as we breathe in this full way, the upper body aligns and opens to make room for that breath. So we sit upright and relaxed and breathing all the way down. And Suzuki Roshi reminds us that we're not using the breath to achieve some state of mind. We're preparing for the breath in this way of breathing. It's just a good way to care for the breath. The breath is here and we love the breath. So we make room for the breath and stay present with it to take good care of the breathing. Grounded and breathing and upright and relaxed. The jaw relaxed and the eyes relaxed. The shoulders relaxed. The belly relaxed. And the heart relaxes. We can remind ourselves of the love that's in our heart already. You all know the line from Mary Oliver maybe? You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. So just letting the heart as we relax and open, sit upright. The heart is softening and just free to love what it loves. Grenzies every single thing that arises. Like really? You'll let me do that? We don't have to do the other thing a little bit? I thought you had said we have to defend and protect and withdraw and retract and fight. Really? We get a breath from that. Like the dog off the leash. The heart off the leash. We can just love it all like you want. Don't worry. I'll tell you when we have to you know put the wall back up. We reserve the right to close the gate again. But for now you know just let ourselves be that love. It's so satisfying. It's so true because it is our nature. And as we let ourselves touch it it's like more and more we might feel I don't want to close the gate again. So we sit in the natural kindness upright open breathing. And then we clear our mind. This is the best way to connect with the intimacy of our being. And this is maybe one of the trickier points to empty our mind completely and forget everything. But it's worth inviting or exploring. Forget everything sounds maybe like too much but just forget whatever is available to be forgotten. Let go of whatever can be let go of. You don't have to hack anything out. But there's maybe some stuff that's ready to fall and just let it fall. And that might just be a passing thought or the energy and story of some grudge or it could be the idea of body the idea of mind. So Suzuki Roshi asks when telling the story of the Buddha's enlightenment he asks why did the Buddha have such joy when he saw the morning star? This is the story right of the Buddha's awakening he's sitting in grueling meditation after years of grueling practice and he sits his breath in the belly his heart warm and finally unprotected and he opens his eyes and sees the morning star and feels this great joy. And Suzuki Roshi says why why so much joy at the sight of the star? And then he says because he had forgotten everything and the star came up in his empty mind that's why he had so much joy and could be so intimate with the star. Not be sure if it was the star or if it was him. So he says we may say he attained enlightenment but it's more like he forgot everything. He forgot that he was separate from the star. He forgot that he was supposed to hate. What joy. So when we forget everything you know this is part of the the courage or the faith or the opportunity of Zen practice that we tiptoe towards and then you know scurry back from and we just forget just forget what we think we know about our life and just be in the wonder of not knowing in the wonder of just being this totally ungraspable unknowable unnameable mystery of just being here as we are human beings. We get so used to it like it's nothing special. It's crazy to be a lie. And we can't get a handle on it. We can't figure out what it is. But we're trying and we have lots of stories and lots of maps so forgetting the maps is not like oh you can't have them later when you might need them. It's just can we reconnect with what there is before we made some map and story that anyway was not really working for what the situation is. The wonder of the feeling of actually being. So to include everything to regain this innate oneness. So to not lose these points to be kind to others and to be one with others. I found her Suzuki Roshi offers that if we want to be ourself in the way of being alive that includes everything then we should forget ourself forget where we are and forget how long we have been there. How does that sound risky like how will we remember what kind of sandwich we like when we're at the store or how to get to the store or that there's a store. The thing is we know how to get to the store. This image I keep using is like you're carrying this backpack I'm carrying this backpack because I need it you know I'm carrying this backpack full of hard tack full of rations right to get me through and I'm walking with my heavy backpack and I'm going through life and I every now and then you know I stop and rummage through my backpack and chew chew and stuff that I'm carrying because I have to provide you for myself you know I'm carrying all this stuff and then the Buddha says you know you could put down the pack I said no you don't understand what am I going to eat what am I going to sleep it's a good question and we don't need to force it or let go of something that it's not time to let go of but we can open our eyes and look around we can put it down for a minute and see there's fruit on all the trees and the stream is overflowing with fish carry this giant pack I don't need it in the letting go I will have what I need because what I am is a rising together with everything this is kind of the faith that supports the letting go and then the letting go tests the faith and little by little we drop and drop and drop until maybe for a minute we lie down let ourselves be supported by the life that has been holding us the whole time to forget who you are or to create space at least between who you think you are and what this immediate experience of being alive is I say I'm jury you that word has nothing to do with the feeling of being alive that's what is actually happening for me you know what I mean so our Zen founder in China Bodhidharma was asked by the emperor who are you and he said I don't know I there's not a word for this because we're so in it you know the word would have to be kind of outside of it so we just sit kind of forgetting okay maybe I'm not so sure who I am or maybe the things that I think I am are true when I'm in relationship are true from the outside but what am I from the inside you know what is this feeling of being forget what I know about that and reconnect with the embodied direct experience of being alive and then he says then maybe we'll notice that in that embodied experience of being alive there's not two things happening there's not separation there's just one arising whole being in the similar vein he suggests you could forget or soften or consider letting go of where you are and that's been an interesting one for me like you imagine you might not think that you have a strong view of where you are but we kind of imagine ourselves on a map do you think like where are you and you'd point to a map as though that's more real than the feeling of of here in this that you have now or we imagine what's the earth the earth actually looks like this picture from the moon that's just what it looks like from the moon how is that more real than what it's like like right now do you know what I mean where are we and that's not to get like ungrounded it's to get actually grounded in the aliveness now which includes everything and is bright and full and supporting us so he says you know you could you could forget where you are and then the wonderful one for Dharma talks which is maybe why I teach on this phrase so much you can forget how long you've been there forget who you are and where you are and how long you've been there and some of you know I've really been chewing on this one how long have I been here on this planet when did that start on this planet see breathing out and breathing in you know of course it started a while back I guess but when we step into the moment we're not so sure you know maybe it just started so dogan zenji says no it didn't just start but it also isn't continuing from some past in other words dogan zenji are 13th century Zen founder like our 20th century Zen founder is saying forget stop putting this experience into time and place or at least take a little break from that and feel what it is to be alive and I've been feeling that as I practice this kindness practice with this intention of kindness I've been feeling that practice of forgetting of kind of softening the naming and the knowing as a kind of kindness to my life you know zikiroji has this funny image this sort of traditional and sort of his own where he says existing in time and space is like putting a snake in a can like pushing a snake into a can you snake into a jar with me anybody feel like a snake in a jar we won't we won't do hands but so it's like you can have the jar you can know all the stuff it can be you know on a point on a map as though that were more real than the feeling of alive now but you don't have to be you can take a little break and that's our seated meditation practice and you get up with it and then part of what grows our faith as we see where we can respond perfectly well without these extra layers of knowing so feeling like I know who I am I know where I am I know what time it is that's kind of like jamming that snake into the can you know not so kind so and I think of just you know just what actually is this let it be what it is without telling it what it is that's the kind of kindness to being to just sit not knowing sit forgetting just let that are the boundlessness of our life whatever this is it doesn't have dimensions exactly what is it what is it to be so we just let it out of the jar now and then as a kind of kindness so to not lose the point of kindness to others or kindness to everything kindness to our breath kindness to the sensations kindness to the light and the sound and and to each other you see that feeling that kind of warmth that sort of kindness is Buddha's compassion and it's Buddha's wisdom it's the kindness of non separation the kindness that flows from non-separation so it is actually Buddha's compassion and Buddha's wisdom it welcomes everything just like being alive welcomes everything just like the Buddha welcomes everything and it's not separate it's Buddha's wisdom and Buddha's compassion just this little practice of kindness I want to share a couple of stories about kindness and one of the things I've noticed about kindness is that sort of along the lines of the kindness that we're doing is like echoes of the Buddha's kindness or the fundamental kindness of being that we don't practice kindness from a place of not receiving kindness the practice of kindness is like the practice of being in kindness do you know what I mean when you're practicing kindness you're like the field is also kind you're receiving kindness you can't really practice kindness and not receive kindness do you think maybe you can but I'm skeptical good try kind of like hopping on one foot maybe would count as walking so the kindness is this kind of openness in the intimacy of the field of being and it's not something we generate from inside it's more like something that we're flowing in it's more like a an element of what our life is so our sitting practice is just to sit upright warm open in kindness for whatever arises whatever you're feeling now whatever you're seeing and hearing just this meditation practice isn't getting rid of anything you have or even transforming something you have it's just to be with what is in open kindness warm heart our tanto Eli is there in the back I think that said he asked himself can I be as kind as silence is to sound oh wow you should be the tanto can I be as kind to everything that's arising as the sound is as the silence is to the sound no friction no friction just complete embrace this has helped my zazen practice to just sit not kind of doing my tricks to get the feeling I want to get but just sitting in kindness with what's here the kind welcome just embrace without friction that that's going to be the ground of my transformation that's going to be the ground of any good that I do it's not like instead of doing something it's as the ground of doing something to just be this kindness to walk as kindly as the silence is receiving sound when we practice in this way you know the kindness is like we can be kind to the earth as we walk we can be kind to the food as we crush it between the teeth the sensation might say well the anger this is what makes kindness such a grounding practice and why I like to talk about it because I feel like well I could just be kind I don't have to be anything else you know what I mean I don't have to reach for anything if my practice is not to be angry that sounds great but then when I'm angry I'm going to have a problem you know and I'm going to start scrambling for the non-anger and I'm going to be way out on a limb it's like I'm pretty angry but I think I'm supposed to not be angry and then just I think I'm supposed to be concentrated but I'm pretty all over the place I better get concentrated I think I'm supposed to feel something that I don't feel and and I've been in this talk for like I've been at Gringold's already for an hour and a half and I still won't feel the thing that I'm trying to feel so then we're out on the limb kind where is that and the more route where is that thing that I'm supposed to be feeling the more like we're just leaving behind the being of our actual life where we are as it is and for some reason the kindness I mean you could have kindness practice in the same way like don't be unkind when you're unkind you have to kill the unkind and get back to the kind but it's not really that feeling you know the feeling of kind kindness is more like wow I'm so unkind that's okay I'm feeling so unkind and and I'm acting so unkind wow okay the kindness doesn't fight with anything just like the silence doesn't fight with any sound silence and say well that one's too loud or those notes were not quite right so this kindness practice just can meet whatever it is even the unkindness yeah it's welcome we never have to be anyway other than how we are so then we can always be our self we can always be right where we are this isn't really a practice of becoming something we're not it's a practice of loving what is and noticing that what is is totally ungraspable has no inside or outside and is warm is love so these couple of images that I wanted to share about kindness one I shared last time and I've just been chewing on it and I wanted to share it again just to refresh the story and bring it back to mind this is again of Suzuki Roshi who's work I quote so much because I'm studying it closely not because we're a cult of Suzuki Roshi disclaimer his students all really loved him his family wasn't so sure we're all just practicing the way we're just making this great effort together to come back to our intimacy and oneness with each other and all things to stop forcing inside and outside on the one arising of our life and t